Final Draft

 

Psychological approach is a better way

to resolve school bullying than punishment.

 

  Everyday students go to school and spend half of the day in school. People usually consider it as a place of society or the other home. However, are those schools really safe? School violence has been an issue in Korean society, and now it is also serious. - according to 2014 school bullying research on the actual condition, about 1.3 million cases occurred. There have been a lot of various ways and plans to resolve this problem, but there are no appreciable effects and bullies do not show any changes about their faults. The problem is that people only want to carry out a punishment and do not care anything followed after it. However, most of bullies do not know what are their faults and how to stop violence and delinquency so even though they are punished condignly, there is a growing second conviction rate for juvenile offenders. However, If we approach bully's minds psychologically - not just a punishment and study their causes - focused on "why", we might resolve this problem successfully. 오운홍, doctor of pedagogy , said that “School bullying would not be solved without understanding of mentality.” (강원포럼, 2013) Therefore psychological approaches to bullies is needed.

This graph tells you the real condition of school bullyings in Korea.

 

  Bullies have their own psychological reasons and causes. These are representative adolescents psychological features. They are mentally immature and confused about their identities and influence a lot from their friends. Also, they are showing off a sense of superiority among their friends and change their behaviors or opinions for conforming behavior. (They depend on their friends a lot and strive not to be alienated from their friends.) They lack a sense of empathy.(usually it is developed as they grow) They show many psychological disabilities such as depression. There are lots of regulations about punishments like zero tolerance policy, intensification but they are not considered as successful ways to resolve. In 2013, school violence alternative debate on Assembly was about limitations of punishments. Actually in 2012, one student who was attacked experienced trauma during giving heavy penalties to bully. After reconciliation programs included reflection and apology, he has overcame that shock and trauma. Therefore, we can assure that psychological approach is necessary and important.

 

 

  Distinctive psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence. According to my research, I pick specific features like depression, superiority and lack of empathy and these three things can induce violence. Students who have a depression which is caused by social, physical changes and environments feel gloomy and behave aggressively and sensitively. -according to Research of Seoul National University Hospital, 22% of high school students in Korea have severe depression, which is the highest proportion than ordinary persons and university students. It can be carried over into anti-social behaviors, anxiety disorder and behavioral disturbance. In addition, Adolescents usually want to show off their power by bullying others and dominating. One way to show off their power is to make a group that is threatening. -Actually there are about 464 groups in Korean schools.

Those psychological features are striking in adolescence and although we cannot bag the question that students cause violences entirely by these things but we can sure that they are one of main factors of it. Therefore, we should focus on these things to grasp real causes of bullies and change their attitudes.

 

 

  Effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then cause school violence. From the perspective of FAMILY, If parents are aggressive and overcontrol their children, they can assume a defiant attitude. And if parents are be overprotective of their children, they can be self-centered and selfish. When parents have inconsistant child-rearing attitude and are lack of understanding and care, it can affect them poorly. Moreover, the breakdown of a family like divorce can influence adolescents self -formation negatively. For example, proportion of teen-age deviations is increasing hugely. Also, family violence can cause adjustment, behavioral ,nerve and mental disorder.

From the perspective of SOCIETY, how permissive the society is can determine how member of society is exposed to violence. These days, because of development of information and communications, mass media, students can be exposed to unhealthy materials more easily. Also, as commercial viability caused by competition between medias make materials more arousing, it can give students effects more badly and hugely. Harmful environments also can reinforce bad behaviors.

From the perspective of EDUCAITON, students stress out excessive education systems that focus only on college entrance exams. (according to National Statistical Office, their stress recognition rate are 69%.) Lack of chances of avocation and self-improvement make this situation more serious.

This graph shows us Korean students’ stress recognition rate.

Because of these representative environments has a big impact on bullies psychologically, we should apprehend concrete reasons and what causes are behind them with psychological approach to bullies.

 

 

Lastly,punishments have no power to resolve school violence. Lots of regulations which are focused on punishments are less effective. (For example, reconciliation programs can make meaningful changes. - 2012 actual case of school violence which i mentioned before.) Actually, as a part of punishment teachers remain history of violence in student record and it is a shattering blow to attacker's life. However, these punishments are unilateral actions and not educations for attackers. Therefore, they do not know what their faults are and get more crooked ,resentful. It can cause another violence cases and they will remain as criminals till they grow up. We should change "punishment" as a "recovery".

 

 

Some opponents can argue that attackers can think their faults slightly without punishments and they will cause more bullying because they are not afraid of punishments anymore. However, After reconciliation programs, they can realize how their faults hurt victims and apologize from the bottom of their heart. Also, victims of bullying can overcome trauma and pains more easily because they accepted apology and forgave attackers. Moreover, we should know this is an education. Attackers can know what happened, what went wrong. They should have a chance to look back their behaviors and faults. This psychological approach is giving that chance. Also, after that approach, if the attacker is considered that he/she needs punishments, then they would be punished. We cannot be sure that psychological approach are always effective. However, it is obvious that they need warmer attention and care because there is no attacker who makes troubles without causes and reasons. Development of system and regulations can make this approach more effectively.

 

According to 2012 school bullying research on the actual condition, 44% of students who experienced bullying have thoughts of suicide and they are suffering severely.To save those students, we should study attackers psychologically and focus on "why" because psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence and effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then make school violence. There were limitations of many regulations and punishments. If we do not resolve it properly, the rate of juvenile crimes will be increased further and even the potential for being adult offender also can be higher. Therefore we have to replace punishment-centered solutions with psychological approach to bullies. We should remember that schools should be safe for everyone and attackers are on equal with victims in terms of exposure of violence. This is now or never.

Reference

2014 school bullying research on the actual condition(from January to June)

     from http://www.moe.go.kr/main.do

오운홍(2013) ; School violence, there should be protective device for victims.

     from http://www.kwnews.co.kr/nview.asp?s=1101&aid=213053100068

Social development of adolescence

     from (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescence)

‘Zero tolerance’ should be changed.

 http://news.naver.com/main/read.nhnmode=LSD&mid=sec&sid1=102&oid=086&aid=0002159149)

ACTUAL CASE OF SCHOOL BULLYING (2014) - reconciliation program.

     from http://news.khan.co.kr/kh_news/khan_art_view.html?artid=201201042143365

<정책브리핑> VIOLENCE-FAMILY, SOCIAL, ENVIRONMENT

     http://www.korea.kr/policy/societyView.do?newsId=148727550&pWise=www2

Influences Of Mass Media.

     http://evadamsm.blog.me/50117154798

<청소년 방송기자단> Harmful environments and School bullying.

     http://www.tjbc.co.kr/news_gisa/gisa_view.htm?gisa_category=03000000&gisa_idx=252

<OSEN> High school students in Korea has serious lack of sleep.

     http://osen.mt.co.kr/article/G1109785886

찾기 쉬운 생활 법령 정보-학교폭력/

GRAPH-how victims of school bullying suffer from it.

     http://oneclick.law.go.kr/CSP/CnpClsMain.laf?   popMenu=ov&csmSeq=635&ccfNo=1&cciNo=1&cnpClsNo=1
National Statistical Office- 'Korea social trend 2013'
     http://kostat.go.kr/wnsearch/search.jsp

Peer Review - 20515 이규상

http://020515leekyusang.blogspot.kr

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a three. The perspective is easy to understand. 

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
The research needs to improve. There are lots of ideas his thoughts. 

Thesis
What is the thesis?
There is no thesis statement but it is about unification between North and South Korea.Is the thesis clear and debatable?


If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
 North and South Korea should reunify
Any other thoughts?



Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
I think there is no missed parts. Introduction(1), narration(1), confirmation(1), refutation(1), conclusion(1)

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
The thesis claims theme of his essay , unification between South and North Korea and It also explains about arguments of both pro and con for his topic. I think it is a good starting but if there is stronger attention grabber, it will be better.( He said that ' For a long time, Korea unification has been discussed, but it was failed because there are lots of difference between North Korea and South Korea.' - if there are more informations, it will be great attention grabber.)

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but his narration is not reliable informations because it seems like his opinion.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. The confirmation claims why he agrees korean unification especially for three reasons. However, there is no enough and detailed data like statistics, it is hard to be persuasive.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think he catched great points of counterpoints however his refutation is too vague and not detailed because of absence of researches to support his reasons.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes. Especially, his quotation of saying is great and impressive.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
If he adds researches about his topic to support his idea, it will be improved a lot.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I disagreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still disagree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. 

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
Spend more time to make concrete his essay.

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Maybe not...

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes,..

Are the sources obvious?
Nope.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes!

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

Second Draft

 

 

Psychological approach is a better way to resolve school bullying than punishment.

 

Everyday students go to school and spend half of the day in school. People usually consider it as a place of society or the other home. However, are those schools really safe? School violence has been an issue in Korean society, and now it is also serious. - according to 2014 school bullying research on the actual condition, about 1.3 million cases occurred. There have been a lot of various ways and plans to resolve this problem, but there are no appreciable effects and bullies do not show any changes about their faults. The problem is that people only want to carry out a punishment and do not care anything followed after it. However, most of bullies do not know what are their faults and how to stop violence and delinquency so even though they are punished condignly, there is a growing second conviction rate for juvenile offenders. However, If we approach bully's minds psychologically - not just a punishment and study their causes - focused on "why", we might resolve this problems successfully. Therefore psychological approach for bullies is needed.

 

Bullies have their own psychological reasons and causes. These are representative adolescents psychological features. They are mentally immature and confused about their identities and influence a lot from their friends. Also, they are showing off a sense of superiority among their friends and change their behaviors or opinions for conforming behavior. (They depend on their friends a lot and strive not to be alienated from their friends.) They lack a sense of empathy.(usually it is developed as they grow) They show many psychological disabilities such as depression.

There are lots of regulations about punishments like zero tolerance policy, intensification but they are not considered as successful ways to resolve. In 2013, school violence alternative debate in Assembly was about limitations of punishments. Actually in 2012, one student who was attacked experienced trauma during giving heavy penalties to bully. After reconciliation programs included reflection and apology, he have overcame that shock and trauma. Therefore, we can assure that psychological approach is necessary and important.

 

Distinctive psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence. According to my research, I pick specific features like depression, superiority and lack of empathy and these three things can induce violence. Students who have a depression which is caused by social, physical changes and environments feel gloomy and behave aggressively and sensitively. -according to Research of Seoul National University Hospital, 22% of high school students in Korea have severe depression, which is the highest proportion than ordinary persons and university students. It can be carried over into anti-social behaviors, anxiety disorder and behavioral disturbance. In addition, Adolescents usually want to show off their power by bullying others and dominating. One way to show off their power is to make a group that is threatening. -Actually there are 464 groups in Korean schools.

Those psychological features are striking in adolescence and although we cannot bag the question that students cause violences entirely by these things but we can sure that they are one of main factors of it. Therefore, we should focus on these things to grasp real causes of bullies and change their attitudes.

 

Effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then cause school violence. From the perspective of FAMILY, If parents are aggressive and overcontrol their children, they can assume a defiant attitude. And if parents are be overprotective of their children, they can be self-centered and selfish. When parents have inconsistant child-rearing attitude and are lack of understanding and care, it can affect them poorly. (For example, family who have economic difficulty and lack of support usually neglect their children.) Moreover, the breakdown of a family like divorce can influence adolescents self -formation negatively. For example, proportion of teen-age deviations is increasing hugely. Also, family violence can cause adjustment, behavioral ,nerve and mental disorder.

From the perspective of SOCIETY, how permissive the society is can determine how member of society are exposed to violence. These days, because of development of information and communications, mass media, students can be exposed to unhealthy materials more easily. Also, as commercial viability caused by competition between medias make materials more arousing, it can give students effects more badly and hugely. Harmful environments also can reinforce bad behaviors.

From the perspective of EDUCAITON, students stress out excessive education system that focuses only on college entrance exams. (according to statistics their stress recognition rate are 69%.) Lack of chances of avocation and self-improvement make this situation more serious.

Because of these representative environments has a big impact on bullies psychologically, we should apprehend concrete reasons and what causes are behind them with psychological approach to bullies.

 

Lastly, punishments has no power to resolve school violence. Lots of regulations which are focused on punishments are less effective. (For example, reconciliation programs can make meaningful changes. - 2012 actual case of school violence.) Actually, as a part of punishment teachers remain history of violence in student record and it is a shattering blow to attacker's life. However, these punishments are unilateral actions and not educations for attackers. Therefore, they do not know what their faults are and get more crooked ,resentful. It can cause another violence cases and they will remain as criminals till they grow up. We should change "punishment" as a "recovery".

Some opponents can argue that attackers can think their faults slightly without punishments and they will cause more bullying because they are not afraid of punishments anymore. However, After reconciliation programs, they can realize how their faults hurt victims and apologize from the bottom of their heart. Also, victims of bullying can overcome trauma and pains more easily because they accepted apology and forgave attackers. Moreover, we should know this is an education. Attackers can know what happened, what went wrong. They should have a chance to look back their behaviors and faults. This psychological approach is giving that chance. Also, after that approach, if the attacker is considered that he/she needs punishments, then they would be punished. We cannot be sure that psychological approach are always effective. However, it is obvious that they need warmer attention and care because there is no attacker who make troubles without causes and reasons. Development of system and regulations can make this approach more effectively.

 

According to 2012 school bullying research on the actual condition, 44% of students who experienced bullying have thoughts of suicide and they are suffering severely. To save those students, we should study attackers psychologically and focus on "why" because psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence and effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then make school violence. There were limitations of many regulations and punishments. If we do not resolve it properly, the rate of juvenile crimes will be increased further and even the potential for being adult offender also can be higher. Therefore we have to replace punishment-centered solutions with psychological approach to bullies. We should remember that schools should be safe for everyone and attackers are on equal with victims in terms of exposure of violence. This is now or never.

 

 

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.

1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument

0 points - The first draft is inadequate

I think I deserved 1 point. It is because I did use my research materials properly but there are no logic and appropriate evidences or examples that can support arguments. Also, I think i should change my thesis statement clearly.

2) What did you do well?

I think everything is  i found appropriate research about my topic.

arguments are based off of opinions and personal feelings
3) What could you have done better?

I should find more appropriate research. Also, I need accurate understanding of format of first and second drafts. I labored to complete my tasks but my first draft is awkward because I just pasted my weekly objects on it.

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better? My narration is strong. I do a good job explaining the foundations of the issue, and I prepare my audience to hear my argument.

First Draft

First Draft

Everyday students go to school and spend half of the day in school. People usually consider it as a place of society or the other home. However, are those schools really safe? School violence has been an issue in Korean society, and now it is also serious. - according to 2014 school bullying research on the actual condition, about 1.3 million cases occurred. There have been a lot of various ways and plans to resolve this problem, but there are no appreciable effects and bullies do not show any changes about their faults. However, If we approach bully's minds psychologically and study their causes - focused on "why", we would resolve this problems successfully therefore we should focus on bully's psychology first.

Bullies have their own psychological reasons and causes. These are representative adolescents psychological features. They are mentally immature and confused about their identities and influence a lot from their friends. Also, they are showing off a sense of superiority among their friends and change their behaviors or opinions for conforming behavior. (They depend on their friends a lot and strive not to be alienated from their friends.) They lack a sense of empathy.(usually it is developed as they grow) They show many psychological disabilities such as depression.

There are lots of regulations about punishments like zero tolerance policy, intensification but they are not considered as successful ways to resolve. In 2013, school violence alternative debate in Assembly was about limitations of punishments. Actually in 2012, one student who was attacked experienced trauma during giving heavy penalties to bully. After reconciliation programs included reflection and apology, he have overcame that shock and trauma. Therefore, we can assure that psychological approach is necessary and important.

 

Psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence. According to my research, I pick specific features like depression, superiority and lack of empathy and these three things can cause violence. Students who have a depression which is caused by social, physical changes and environments feel gloomy and behave aggressively and sensitively. -according to Research of Seoul National University Hospital, 22% of high school students in Korea have severe depression, which is the highest proportion than ordinary persons and university students. It can be carried over into anti-social behaviors, anxiety disorder and behavioral disturbance. In addition, Adolescents usually want to show off their power by bullying others and dominating. One way to show off their power is to make a group that is threatening. -Actually there are 464 groups in Korean schools. Moreover, According to one research, when they studied attacker's brain they found that activity of hippocampus and amygdaloid nucleus that recognize the pain of others is remarkably low. These are just a few psychological features and there will be much more. Therefore, we should focus on these things to grasp real causes of bullies and change their attitudes.

Effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then cause school violence. From the perspective of FAMILY, If parents are aggressive and overcontrol their children, they can assume a defiant attitude. And if parents are be overprotective of their children, they can be self-centered and selfish. When parents have inconsistant child-rearing attitude and are lack of understanding and care, it can affect them poorly. (For example, family who have economic difficulty and lack of support usually neglect their children.) Moreover, the breakdown of a family like divorce can influence adolescents self -formation negatively. For example, proportion of teen-age deviations is increasing hugely. Also, family violence can cause adjustment, behavioral ,nerve and mental disorder.

From the perspective of SOCIETY, how permissive the society is can determine how member of society are exposed to violence. These days, because of development of information and communications, mass media, students can be exposed to unhealthy materials more easily. Also, as commercial viability caused by competition between medias make materials more arousing, it can give students effects more badly and hugely. Harmful environments also can reinforce bad behaviors.

From the perspective of EDUCAITON, students stress out excessive education system that focuses only on college entrance exams. (according to statistics their stress recognition rate are 69%.) Lack of chances of avocation and self-improvement make this situation more serious. Therefore we should focus on bullies from the perspective of their environments which make them attackers and specific causes to do bullying.

Lastly, punishments has no power to resolve school violence. Lots of regulations which are focused on punishments are less effective. (For example, reconciliation programs can make meaningful changes. - 2012 actual case of school violence.) Actually, as a part of punishment teachers remain history of violence in student record and it is a shattering blow to attacker's life. However, these punishments are unilateral actions and not educations for attackers. Therefore, they do not know what their faults are and get more crooked ,resentful. It can cause another violence cases and they will remain as criminals till they grow up. We should change "punishment" as a "recovery".

Some opponents can argue that attackers can think their faults slightly without punishments and they will cause more bullying because they are not afraid of punishments anymore. However, After reconciliation programs, they can realize how their faults hurt victims and apologize from the bottom of their heart. Also, victims of bullying can overcome trauma and pains more easily because they accepted apology and forgave attackers. Moreover, we should know this is an education. Attackers can know what happened, what went wrong. They should have a chance to look back their behaviors and faults. This psychological approach is giving that chance. Also, after that approach, if the attacker is considered that he/she needs punishments, then they would be punished. We cannot be sure that psychological approach are always effective. However, it is obvious that they need warmer attention and care because there is no attacker who make troubles without causes and reasons. Development of system and regulations can make this approach more effectively.

According to statistics, 44% of students who experienced bullying have thoughts of suicide and they are suffering severely. To save those students, we should study attackers psychologically and focus on "why" because psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence and effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then make school violence. There were limitations of many regulations and punishments. We should remember that attackers are on equal with victims in terms of exposure of violence. And, schools should be safe for everyone. This is now or never.

Conclusion

 

Conclusion

According to statistics, 44% of students who experienced bullying have thoughts of suicide and they are suffering severely. To save those students, we should study attackers psychologically and focus on "why" because psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence and effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then make school violence. There were limitations of many regulations and punishments. We should remember that attackers are on equal with victims in terms of exposure of violence. And, schools should be safe for everyone. This is now or never.

Refutation and Concession

Refutation and Concession

1. What is my thesis?

 

My persuasive argument thesis is:

We should focus on bully's psychology first to resolve school violence.

2. What is the opposite position?

 

We should focus on punishments and other forceful first to resolve school violence.

3. What arguments can I anticipate?

 

1) Attackers can think their faults slightly without punishments.

2) Attackers will cause more bullying because they are not afraid of punishments anymore.

3) Psychological approach are not always effective.

4) It is practically hard to grasp and understand their situations and minds one by one.

(It is just an ideal way to resolve school violence.)

4. How will I counter those arguments?

1) Attackers can think their faults slightly without punishments.

Nope. After reconciliation programs, they can realize how their faults hurt victims and apologize from the bottom of their heart. Also, victims of bullying can overcome trauma and pains more easily because they accepted apology and forgave attackers.

2) Attackers will cause more bullying because they are not afraid of punishments anymore.

Nope. This is an education. They can know what happened, what went wrong. They should have a chance to look back their behaviors and faults. This psychological approach is giving that chance. Also, after that approach, if the attacker is considered that he/she needs punishments, then they would be punished.

3) Psychological approach are not always effective.

We cannot be sure that psychological approach are always effective. However, it is obvious that they need warmer attention and care because there is no attacker who make troubles without causes and reasons.

4) It is practically hard to grasp and understand their situations and minds one by one.

(It is just an ideal way to resolve school violence.)

This can be resolved by development of system and regulations.

 

 

The confirmation

The confirmation

1. What is my thesis?

My persuasive argument thesis is:

We should focus on bully's psychology first to resolve school violence.

2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?

I am using reliable academic reports, statistics and articles.

3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?

I should change my last arguments about limitation of current regulations.

My confirmation.

Psychological features of adolescents influence and cause school violence. According to my research, I pick specific features like depression, superiority and lack of empathy and these three things can cause violence. Students who have a depression which is caused by social, physical changes and environments feel gloomy and behave aggressively and sensitively. -According to Research of Seoul National University Hospital, 22% of high school students in Korea have severe depression, which is the highest proportion than ordinary persons and university students. Also it can be carried over into anti-social behaviors, anxiety disorder and behavioral disturbance.

In addition, Adolescents usually want to show off their power by bullying others and dominating. One way to show off their power is to make a group that is threatening. -Actually there are 464 groups in Korean schools.

According to one research, when they studied attacker's brain they found that activity of hippocampus and amygdaloid nucleus that recognize the pain of others is remarkably low. These are just a few psychological features and there will be much more. Therefore, we should focus on these things to grasp real causes of bullies and change their attitudes.

Effects of environments also influence adolescents psychologically and then cause school violence. If parents are aggressive and overcontrol their children, they can assume a defiant attitude. And if parents are be overprotective of their children, they can be self-centered and selfish. When parents have inconsistant child-rearing attitude and are lack of understanding and care, it can affect them poorly. (For example, economic difficulty, lack of support.) Moreover, the breakdown of a family like divorce can influence adolescents self -formation negatively. For example, proportion of teen-age deviations is increasing hugely. Also, family[domestic] violence can cause adjustment, behavioral ,nerve and mental disorder.

How permissive the society is can determine how member of society are exposed to violence. These days, because of development of information and communications, mass media, students can be exposed to unhealthy materials more easily. Also, as commercial viability caused by competition between medias make materials more arousing, it can give students effects more badly and hugely. Harmful environments also can reinforce bad behaviors.

Students stress out excessive education system that focuses only on college entrance exams. (according to statistics their stress recognition rate are 69%.) Lack of chances of avocation and self-improvement make this situation more serious. Therefore we should focus on bullies from the perspective of their environments which make them attackers and specific causes to do bullying.

Lastly, punishments has no power to resolve school violence. Lots of regulations which are focused on punishments are less effective. (For example, reconciliation programs can make meaningful changes. - 2012 actual case of school violence.) Actually, as a part of punishment teachers remain history of violence in student record and it is a shattering blow to attacker's life. However, these punishments are unilateral actions and not educations for attackers. Therefore, they do not know what their faults are and get more crooked ,resentful. It can cause another violence cases and they will remain as criminals till they grow up. We should change "punishment" as a "recovery".

The Narration

The narration.

My persuasive argument thesis is:

We should focus on bully's psychology first to resolve school violence.

1. What do people already know about my topic?

Everyone knows that school violence is serious social problem and need urgent, effective solutions. However, they do not know how psychological aspects affect adolescents behaviors and correlations with school violence.

2. What research has already been done about my topic?

 

<한겨레 오피니언>[세상 읽기] 학교폭력은 왜 일어나는가 / 전중환

http://www.hani.co.kr/arti/SERIES/56/568586.html)

<강원일보>[강원포럼]학교폭력, 피해자 보호 장치 마련돼야

(http://www.kwnews.co.kr/nview.asp?s=1101&aid=213053100068)

Bullies have their own psychological reasons and causes. These are representative adolescents psychological features. They are mentally immature and confused about their identities and influence a lot from their friends. Also, they are showing off a sense of superiority among their friends and change their behaviors or opinions for conforming behavior. (They depend on their friends a lot and strive not to be alienated from their friends.) They lack a sense of empathy.(usually it is developed as they grow) They show many psychological disabilities such as depression.

<한겨레 오피니언>[세상 읽기] 학교폭력은 왜 일어나는가 / 전중환

http://www.hani.co.kr/arti/SERIES/56/568586.html)

학교안전지킴이의 학교폭력예방에 대한 제도적 고찰 - 전문성과 제약성을 중심으로 –공배완 (참고)

There are lots of regulations about punishments like zero tolerance policy, intensification but they are not considered as successful ways to resolve. In 2013, school violence alternative debate in Assembly was about limitations of punishments. Actually in 2012, one student who was attacked experienced trauma during giving heavy penalties to bully. After reconciliation programs included reflection and apology, he have overcame that shock and trauma.

3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)


Bullies have their own psychological reasons and causes. These are representative adolescents psychological features. They are mentally immature and confused about their identities and influence a lot from their friends. Also, they are showing off a sense of superiority among their friends and change their behaviors or opinions for conforming behavior. (They depend on their friends a lot and strive not to be alienated from their friends.) They lack a sense of empathy.(usually it is developed as they grow) They show many psychological disabilities such as depression.
There are lots of regulations about punishments like zero tolerance policy, intensification but they are not considered as successful ways to resolve. In 2013, school violence alternative debate in Assembly was about limitations of punishments. Actually in 2012, one student who was attacked experienced trauma during giving heavy penalties to bully. After reconciliation programs included reflection and apology, he have overcame that shock and trauma. Therefore, we can assure that psychological approach is necessary and important.

The Introduction

The introduction.

 

1. Attention grabber

I attracted the audience by asking questions about safety of schools and statistic of current state of school violence.

 

2. Explains the topic

I explained the limitation of many former solutions and suggested psychological approach.

 

3. My thesis

I decided my thesis "we should focus on bully's psychology first" to resolve school violence. However, I think this thesis is not really clear and direct so I should change another thesis.

 

 

Everyday students go to school and spend half of the day in school. People usually consider it as a place of society or the other home. However, are those schools really safe? School violence has been an issue in Korean society, and now it is also serious. - according to 2014 school bullying research on the actual condition, about 1.3 million cases occurred. There have been a lot of various ways and plans to resolve this problem, but there are no appreciable effects and bullies do not show any changes about their faults. However, If we approach bully's minds psychologically and study their causes - focused on "why", we would resolve this problems successfully therefore we should focus on bully's psychology first.